If you come from the school of thought that says everyone brings their own meaning to a song, and that hearing what the songwriter thinks about it can only ruin it for you, don't read this page.

1. Happy Birthday - About the annual ritual of thinking over the past year and realizing what a complete waste it was.

2. On The Road To Hell - Remember being at those church services and/or youth camps when the person leading the service starts inviting everyone to come up to the altar to kneel and pray, and the organ music swells, and lots of people go up there and cry their eyes out and (re)dedicate their lives to Christ? It's what they refer to as an "altar call". Well, this song is the inverse of that.

3. Self-Fulfilling Prophets - If you expect to be rejected by others, you'll often behave in such a way as to bring about that rejection. When you expect to be rejected because your Christian beliefs include a prophesy that it will happen, it makes the whole thing funnier. But not as funny as when you start out believing in Christianity, then rebel and become a Pagan or Wiccan or what-have-you, only to reject Christians out-of-hand because of their religion. (If you didn't relate to any of that, this song probably won't do much for you.)

4. Blow, blow, thou winter wind - Shakespeare wrote it as part of the play As You Like It, and then I took it out of context and ruined it by inventing my own music to go with it. I would apologize, but ripping off Shakespeare is so en vogue these days, the trendiness alone is enough to justify it.

5. Fucking and Crying - A song about having been so traumatized by rape and/or molestation that you can't have normal relationships anymore. Always a favorite kid's camp sing-along.

6. Cosmo Girl - Our little salute to the fashion industry.

7. What You Do Not Understand - A rather dysfunctional response to the efforts of a well-meaning conversational companion.

8. Indiana - It really does suck. If you ever go there, you'll see what I mean.

9. Smash - We know, we know. It's loud and grating and you have to turn it down every time. Sorry, but our only real regret is that the recording is too high-quality and we couldn't find a way to get it any louder.

10. Growing To Hate - I would walk to school and back a lot as a kid, and if you have the habit of trying not to step on the lines, you find they get harder to avoid as your legs get longer and the spacing of the lines don't match your stride anymore. In middle school I achieved a stronger sense of identity -- and escaped from being just a weirdo with no friends -- by finally giving into the urge to do whatever I wanted without worrying about what anyone would think about it, mainly because I hated everyone too much to care. I find it interesting and a little disturbing that this made me more well-liked among my peers. I'll bet in Asia they would have thrown me in a mental institution; even here in the US where we celebrate individualism there were at least a few administrators and teachers over me who were pulling for that. Who knows, maybe they had a point.

11. No More - Ever had one of those sleepless nights where every minute that passes you don't know how you can stand being alive for another minute, and for some reason you want to watch something bleed?

12. I Only Wanted You For Sex - Sometimes I like to think this song has played a role in making communication between romantic partners everywhere more candid and lively, and maybe even sparked an intelligent, introspective discussion or two. But it probably hasn't.